Entries from July 2005
My female boss today banned all form of profanity in the office. Her apparent intolerance with cursing and swearing, especially in Cantonese form, called for a quick office ‘briefing’. Impromptu briefings like this are never about something positive.
Ban on swearing? Let’s see now… Hmm… It’s like removing vowels from the alphabet. How are we going to construct proper sentences in our daily conversations? Jezzuzmuthafuckinkrist.
We are baffled at what ticked her off, but could be due to long term exposure to us overzealous-cursing-in-need-of-destressing-designers in a tight enclosed environment.
A RM5 fine per profanity has been implemented. Super. Just fucking great.
Categories: Ravenous Rants + Raging Repulse
Taken on the journey to Singapore (which I will write about shortly) on the fabulous, but pricey coach Aeroline (“A Convenient Way to Fly”) – yours truly demonstrated great capacity and talent in emulating GT Queens in their famous sexy poses.
The art of GT Queen posing fundamentally lies in the fingers. In general, numbers 1, 2 and 5 are favoured, as this has proven to be effective in attracting legions of fans. The technique, as shown in the limited edition imagery below, is an exquisite art form. Many hours of practice was required to obtain such picture perfect poses. Just mind the not-so-professional male model. (forced by girlfriend!)
Step 1: 1 finger!
Step 2: 2 fingers!
Step 3: 5 fingers!
And I’m spent…
Talentless talent : Verne
Professional photographer + girlfriend : Miss J
Categories: Crapology Unlimited
Source: Big-Boys.com via anonymous email
If you were that close to bursting your bladder, what would you do?
Categories: Crapology Unlimited
Horse lover dies after sex with stallion
San Francisco: A horse lover died of internal injuries from sex with a stallion at a ranch used by a bestiality ring, police in the north-western US state of Washington said on Monday.
The man suffered fatal trauma while being sodomised by a stallion at a stud farm that catered to men who wanted sex with animals, Enumclaw Police Commander Eric Sortland said.
“From the medical examiner’s office to the sheriff to the police detectives, we have never seen anything remotely close to what we have in the past two weeks,” Sortland said.
The shocking events at the ranch were exposed after a man’s body was dropped off at a hospital southeast of the city of Seattle on July 2 after his encounter with the horse.
“Basically, his colon was ruptured, along with his lower organs in that region, and bled out,” Sortland said.
A cache of hundreds of hours of videotaped man-on-beast sex sessions was found hidden in a field, Sortland said.
“The animals kept at the farm included ponies, horses, goats, sheep and dogs, according to the police commander.
Images of the flock of offerings on the bestial dude ranch were relayed over the Internet and records indicate men had come from throughout the Untied States, according to police.
“Unfortunately, these people were very diligent in filming their activities,” Sortland said.
Police were still reviewing the recordings to determine the range of activities, according to the commander.
Because sex with animals is not barred by law in Washington state, no arrests have been made, according to police who nonetheless continued to investigate on Monday to determine whether any illegal activity had taken place at the ranch.
Source: AFP
My 2 cents worth:
I find news like this appalling. Sex with animals? Absolutely disgraceful and disgusting. People should be thrown in jail, whipped. Whatever. I classify this as cruelty to animals. It’s like sex without consent. Idiots.
Categories: Mishy Mashy Wishy Washy
Some humour on a bad day of getting ass-fucked by boss and client. Thank god not at the same time!
Fridge
Dr. Quek made a routine house call to Mr. Lim, one of his elderly
patients. He asks, “And how are you doing today, Mr. Lim?”
Mr. Lim replies, “I feel just fine, doc. But you know, it’s the
strangest thing. Every night when I get up to pang jio, the bathroom
light goes on for me automatically when I open the door!”
The doctor is worried that the old man is getting senile, so he phones
the man’s son, and the son’s wife answers.
The doctor tells her, “Mrs. Lim, I’m a little concerned about your
father-in-law. It seems that when he gets up to urinate at night and
opens the bathroom door, the light somehow goes on…”
At which point, Mrs. Lim yells, “Aiyoh, Ah Seng! Ah Pa pang jio in the
fridge again!”
Mish-Mash
QUESTION: How do you know frogs are Hokkien?
ANSWER : Because when it’s cold, they go “kwah, kwah, kwah”.
QUESTION : How do Hokkien prawns laugh?
ANSWER: Hae hae hae (hokkien for prawns)
QUESTION: How do Hokkien fish laugh?
ANSWER : Hu hu hu (hokkien for fish)
Once Upon A Time
And here is a classic…………..
QUESTION : What’s the difference between Ang-mor and Hokkien fairy tales?
ANSWER: Ang-mor fairy tales begin with “Once upon a time…” and Hokkien
fairy tales begin with “Lim Peh, ka luu kong…”
Unknown source via forward email
Categories: Crapology Unlimited
Little Ah Beng was sitting in class doing maths problems, when his teacher picked him to answer a question. “Ah Beng, if there were five birds sitting on a fence, and you shot one with your gun. How many would be left? asked the teacher.
“Aaah zheelo(zero), cos the rest would fly away.” replied Little Ah Beng.
“Well the answer is four” said the teacher, “but I like the way you are thinking.”
Little Ah Beng says, “I’ve a question for you too.
If there were 3 women eating ice cream cones in a shop, first was Licking her cone, the second was bitting the cone and the third was sucking the cone, which one is married?” “Well,”said the teacher nervously, “I guess the one sucking the cone.”
“No,” said Little Ah Beng, “the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you are thinking.
Unknown source via forwarded email
Categories: Crapology Unlimited
Newest iPod, Smallest in the World
Apple and the wacky creative team has done it again. As if not satisfied with world domination already with the iPod family, Apple introduces the world’s smallest iPod and MP3 player ever. Introducing… the iPod Flea.
Catch the commercial here (MP4 streaming file – 5.6MB)
iPod Flea
Apple Quicktime Player required.
Death-Defying Sleep Deprivation
That’s it. I’m completely stoned. Not the happy ganja-high or alcohol in the blood kind. But from severe sleep deficiency. Worked round the clock to get a project done in time for this morning’s 10am meeting. I stopped work at 5.30am to head back home for a warm shower, then returned to office at 6.30am to finish up bits and pieces of the multimedia project. Needless to say, without any sleep, I am a walking, talking zombie. My eyes buggy, sunken, lifeless. My zits are as big as my eyeballs. My body aches and longs for a bed, any bed. My mind wanders, inattentively, as if unfocused on purpose, as I try to coordinate typing on this stained keyboard whilst forcing my eyes open.
Zzzzzzzzzzzzz…..vvccccccczzzzzzzzdzdcfvdbccvcvx
Oops… sorry….dozed off there…
I need that sleep. Will leave early this evening. 2 hours more!
Categories: Crapology Unlimited · Mac Universe · Techno Indulgences
Another one of those touchy-feely numbers which I don’t get sick of. Compelling.
You and Me
written by Jason Wade and Jude Cole
what day is it
and in what month
this clock never seemed so alive
I can’t keep up
and I can’t back down
I’ve been losing so much time
cause it’s you and me and all of the people
with nothing to do
nothing to lose
and it’s you and me and all of the people
and I don’t know why
I can’t keep my eyes off of you
all of the things that I want to say
just aren’t coming out right
I’m tripping inwards
you got my head spinning
I don’t know where to go from here
cause it’s you and me and all of the people
with nothing to do
nothing to prove
and it’s you and me and all of the people
and I don’t know why
I can’t keep my eyes off of you
there’s something about you now
I can’t quite figure out
everything she does is beautiful
everything she does is right
you and me and all of the people
with nothing to do
nothing to lose
and it’s you and me and all of the people
and I don’t know why
I can’t keep my eyes off of you
you and me and all of the people
with nothing to do
nothing to prove
and it’s you and me and all of the people
and I don’t know why
I can’t keep my eyes off of you
what day is it
and in what month
this clock never seemed so alive
Lyrics courtesy of Lyrics.com
Categories: Music Muse
Was in a potentially dangerous situation on the way to the airport this afternoon. About 10kms from the KLIA, I was on the fast lane travelling in excess of 190km/h. All of the sudden, without a signal nor warning, a Triton coach decided to overtake a car in front, abruptly cutting into my lane, oblivious to this speedy Satria R3, barely inches away from the rear.
Squeezed into a tiny corner, brakes were slammed, and as the rear wobbled slightly from the sudden weight transfer, I could see the right rear of the bus approaching fast. A quick flick of the steering while stomped on the brakes, I had to be clinical in order to avoid the divider which was also inches away on the right. Slamming the brakes at 190km/h isn’t funny really. This isn’t the Sepang F1 circuit as you approach Turn 1. This is real. No run-off area. Passing high speed traffic. Not funny.
Managed to slow the car down and balance the steering. The bus, after realising I existed, pulled to the left back in to the middle lane. I went side by side and gave a really stern glare. I gave an arm gesture to show how cross I was with the driver. Could see in the rear view that he then adjusted his side mirror. Idiot. Could have caused a major accident.
It would have been the first crumpled Satria R3 on the road so far.
Thanking my lucky stars. Death smiled upon me today. I think he was in a good mood.
Categories: Mishy Mashy Wishy Washy
On today’s menu – one serving of green Designer
and 2 generous helpings of POL Oxygen
I think I’ve used up all my magazine credits this month. I must have spent 2 kazillion bucks on magazines, in a span of a week (and half yesterday alone!). First was EVO magazine, coupled with Autocar, both Malaysian editions. I have to say they have become my new firm favourites, thanks to superb write-ups, design/layout and photographs, pipping HyperTune, Traffic and Xtreme Car. Next came Personal Money and Men’s Health. As if desperate for reading material, I also bagged Designer (a magazine from Singapore), and two copies of POL Oxygen back issues. Not too long after, I shelled out more moolah for Xtreme Car.
The Internal Revenue Board needs to allocate more rebate for books because I have, effortlessly, spent two-fold in excess, and potentially three-fold in the coming months.
More! More! I need more… magazines…. more….
Categories: Books Skoob · Creative Edge + Design Divulgence · Mishy Mashy Wishy Washy
